I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
