...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
