I cockslap morals
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
