i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
