And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
