i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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