Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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