It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
