Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Only a mothe r could love this liver
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
