dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
