I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
