just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
