i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This is my life. Enjoy the view
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
