just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
