Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
