i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
