i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
