i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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