PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
