he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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