look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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