She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
