Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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