whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
