it wasn't lemon gatorade
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
