the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
