I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize