i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
