I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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