i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
