those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
