I just saw a hot homeless man
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
