If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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