you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
