Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
