my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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