I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
