Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
