I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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