i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
