No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
