all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize