Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
