I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
