For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
