Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
