he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
