So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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