out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
