It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
