I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
