Non-Jews are for practice
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
