well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
