my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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