A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
