I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize