I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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