I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Randomize
