Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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