I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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