can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize